Nikki's Talk on Sunday - A very proud Husband!

Below is Nikki's talk from this past Sunday. I did not get a chance to listen to it, as I had to chase Marco throughout the church building. I did get a lot of comments about how good it was, that they felt a Spirit when listening to it. I hope you have time to read it. I think it is brilliant, she had the guidance of the Spirit when she wrote it. The topic is "being judgmental":

Somehow I’ve been able to escape speaking in this ward for 2 ½ years, although Julio has spoken 3 times already and told you his side of our story. So, I will give my account of how we met. We met in a teacher’s credential program down in LA. I walked in the first night and saw him sitting in the back in a big oversized coat, black hornrimmed glasses and blue hair. I sat down a few seats in front of him and then the instructor walked in. She asked us to fill out some paperwork, which Julio immediately had a problem with and started arguing with her about it. The instructor got so upset, she left the room. I then turned around and very rudely said to Julio, “Just sign it!” Later in the class, the instructor had us do a “getting to know you activity” She had us line up according to our birthdays. The whole time I was thinking, “Please don’t let me be with the blue-haired guy.” But, we both have October birthdays, so he ended up being my partner. I had already decided I didn’t want anything to do with him based on the first impression. Julio tried really hard to be friendly with me, but I refused to reciprocate. Needless to say, over a year and a half, things changed. I misjudged him at first, but fortunately, I overcame that and was able to get to know the kind, generous, intelligent, selfless guy that I married.

This all fits into the topic I was given to speak on: judging others unrighteously. The scripture I was given to base my talk on is in Matthew 7:1-5 and also 3 Nephi 14:2-5 The Lord gave a warning to guide us in our judgment of others: "With what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother: Let me pull the mote out of thine eye—and behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye" (3 Nephi 14:2–5).

In pondering this scripture, it made me reflect on my own imperfections-one of which is being judgemental. However harshly I judge others, I will be judged just as harshly by Heavenly Father. Also, in reading this scripture, it made me think I need to evaluate myself in the area of which I am judging somebody else before I worry about how they are in that area. Heavenly Father know us perfectly and knows our intentions, our feelings and backgrounds and knows why we do the things we do. We however, do not have that same ability and can not know the intentions, feelings, or backgrounds of those we judge. “but the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his staure, because I have refused him, for the Lord seeth not as man seeth, for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart>” (1 Sam 16:7) Only the Lord has the ability to make perfect judgements of others. In a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, he addresses this when he quoted Joseph Smith: “While one portion of the human race is judging and condemning the other without mercy, the Great Parent of the universe looks upon the whole of the human family with a fatherly care and paternal regard; … He holds the reins of judgment in His hands; He is a wise Lawgiver, and will judge all men, … ‘not according to what they have not, but according to what they have,’ those who have lived without law, will be judged without law, and those who have a law, will be judged by that law” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 218).

Elder Oaks went on to say: Thus, we must refrain from making final judgments on people because we lack the knowledge and the wisdom to do so. We would even apply the wrong standards. The world’s way is to judge competitively between winners and losers. The Lord’s way of final judgment will be to apply His perfect knowledge of the law a person has received and to judge on the basis of that person’s circumstances, motives, and actions throughout his or her entire life (see Luke 12:47–48; John 15:22; 2 Ne. 9:25).

Even the Savior, during His mortal ministry, refrained from making final judgments. We see this in the account of the woman taken in adultery. After the crowd who intended to stone her had departed, Jesus asked her about her accusers. “Hath no man condemned thee?” (John 8:10). When she answered no, Jesus declared, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:11). In this context the word condemn apparently refers to the final judgment (see John 3:17).

The Lord obviously did not justify the woman’s sin. He simply told her that He did not condemn her—that is, He would not pass final judgment on her at that time. This interpretation is confirmed by what He then said to the Pharisees: “Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man” (John 8:15). The woman taken in adultery was granted time to repent, time that would have been denied by those who wanted to stone her.

It is much easier for us to point out others flaws or sins before reflecting on and recognizing our own. We might condemn someone for outward appearance of sin, such as breaking the Word of Wisdom. It’s easy to do because we can either see it, or smell it. But, maybe we are commiting the sin of judging someone in our mind. Others can not see that sin, but it is just as serious. We don’t know the hearts of those whose outward appearance might be deceiving. It reminds me of a movie about a guy who was really shallow and only was attracted to perfect women. Then, he ran into an inspirational speaker who changed his way of thinking and viewing women. He then saw people as they were on the inside. If they had a kind, good heart and spirit-he saw them as beautiful even if they were less than beautiful on the outside. He also saw people with ugly, bad personalities as ugly even if they were beautiful on the outside. He started to treat people by how they were on the inside, not their appearance. That movie sends an important message-don’t judge a book by it’s cover but by it’s contents

In a talk given by N. Eldon Tanner in 1972, he quoted;

“Wouldn’t this old world be better
If the folks we meet would say:
‘I know something good about you,’
And then treat us that way?”

Then I thought of the words of one of our hymns:

“Let each man learn to know himself;
To gain that knowledge let him labor,
Improve those failings in himself
Which he condemns so in his neighbor.
How lenient our own faults we view,
And conscience’s voice adeptly smother;
Yet, oh, how harshly we review
The selfsame failings in another! …
So first improve yourself today
And then improve your friends tomorrow.”
—Hymns, no. 91

.

When I taught 3^rd grade I had some challenging students. One year I had 12 little boys in my class who were almost all labeled as troublemakers. I decided to approach the first week of school in a different way-not assuming that the students knew the appropriate way to behave, I would teach them what they should do-not what they shouldn’t do. They responded in a very positive way and my class was very well behaved-you couldn’t distinguish the troublemakers. I tried to accentuate the positive qualities in these students, instead of treating them as the label they were given. I also gained a lot of compassion for these students-many came from single parent homes and went home to an empty apartment to play video games until late at night. They didn’t have good examples or guidance at home, so the least I could do with the 7 hours a day they were in my classroom, was try to provide that for them. As much as we can, we should judge people's situations rather than judging the people themselves. Whenever possible, we should refrain from making judgments until we have an adequate knowledge of the facts. It’s not to say I’ve acted this way in all situations in my life, I wish I had, but that is one positive example I can give from my own life.

And we should always be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, who can guide our decisions. Alma's counsel to his son Corianton is a helpful reminder: "See that you are merciful unto your brethren; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually" (Alma 41:14). How do we accomplish this then? Judge righteously and do good? In Moroni 14 it tells us how we can judge righteously, “ For behold my bretheren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night. For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.” Now days in a society so clouded by evil disguised as good, it is important to remember to use the spirit in making judgements that would affect our own salvation.

It reminds me of the story of the Prodigal Son.

I am going to quote from a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland because I think he told the story very well. “Among the most memorable parables the Savior ever told is the story of a foolish younger brother who went to his father, asked for his portion of the estate, and left home to squander his inheritance, the scripture says, in “riotous living.” 1 His money and his friends disappeared sooner than he thought possible—they always do—and a day of terrible reckoning came thereafter—it always does. In the downward course of all this he became a keeper of pigs, one so hungry, so stripped of sustenance and dignity that he “would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat.” But even that consolation was not available to him.

Then the scripture says encouragingly, “He came to himself.” He determined to find his way home, hoping to be accepted at least as a servant in his father’s household. The tender image of this boy’s anxious, faithful father running to meet him and showering him with kisses is one of the most moving and compassionate scenes in all of holy writ. It tells every child of God, wayward or otherwise, how much God wants us back in the protection of His arms.

But being caught up in this younger son’s story, we can miss, if we are not careful, the account of an elder son, for the opening line of the Savior’s account reads, “A certain man had two sons”—and He might have added, “both of whom were lost and both of whom needed to come home.”

The younger son has returned, a robe has been placed on his shoulders and a ring on his finger, when the older son comes on the scene. He has been dutifully, loyally working in the field, and now he is returning. The language of parallel journeys home, though from very different locations, is central to this story.

As he approaches the house, he hears the sounds of music and laughter.

“And he called one of the servants [note that he has servants], and asked what these things meant.

“And [the servant] said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.

“And [the older brother] was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.”

Certainly this younger brother had been a prisoner—a prisoner of sin, stupidity, and a pigsty. But the older brother lives in some confinement, too. He has, as yet, been unable to break out of the prison of himself. He is haunted by the green-eyed monster of jealousy and pride. 2 He feels taken for granted by his father and disenfranchised by his brother, when neither is the case. He is also too prideful to forgive his brother for what he’s done to the family. He has fallen victim to a fictional affront. As such he is like Tantalus of Greek mythology—he is up to his chin in water, but he remains thirsty nevertheless. One who has heretofore presumably been very happy with his life and content with his good fortune suddenly feels very unhappy simply because another has had some good fortune as well. The sins of pride and jealousy that the older son commited are almost always linked to unrighteous judgement and just as serious as the sins the prodigal son committed.

Elder Holland then reminds us that “No one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all.” To understand this principle will help us to be less judgemental-if we can see others as fellow sons or daughters of God, whom He loves just as much as ourselves, it will be more difficult to see them in a negative light.

Ridding ourselves of pride and judgement is something that can be done only through drawing nearer to Christ and being diligent in reading our scriptures and praying.

In the same talk by Elder Oaks he said, “ In the intermediate judgments we must make, we should take care to judge righteously. We should seek the guidance of the Spirit in our decisions. We should limit our judgments to our own stewardships. Whenever possible we should refrain from judging people until we have an adequate knowledge of the facts. So far as possible, we should judge circumstances rather than people. In all our judgments we should apply righteous standards. And, in all of this we must remember the command to forgive.”

This statement wraps up my talk perfectly. This talk was given to me for a reason, so I could self-evaluate and learn the importance of not judging others.It has been a good learning experience for me. It also reminded me that I already know that these principles are true, I experienced it first hand with my husband. I know that if we follow the words of Christ and of our church leaders, we can overcome pride and unrighteous judgement. We can learn to see people in a positive light and see them as fellow children of a God who loves us all equally. In doing this, we can find greater peace and happiness, and maybe even a new friend we never thought we could have.